I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
