Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize