I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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