david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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