I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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