I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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