Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
