Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
