I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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