I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
