YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize