The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
