Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
