Buhtt sex?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
