He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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