I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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