I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
