I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
