you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Text me some of your sweat
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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