My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
