you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize