The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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