It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
