sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
