mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize