I love black thongs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
