Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
