But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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