i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
