Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
