I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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