thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
