If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
