I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize