Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
