yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just google imaged poop.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
