I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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