Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
