FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
