is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
