She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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