i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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