I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
