The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
