Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
