College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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