yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
