a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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