you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
