in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
