Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
