Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
