It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
