Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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