she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
