The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
