He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
