Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
