I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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