I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
