May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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