The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
