Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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