Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
