Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
