Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If that was your dad, he is hot
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
