Cold hands, warm shart.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The air was thick with penises
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
be right there i have to get my cape
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
